The deadly trap of expectations
So what?
When you set realistic expectations (if at all), you will:
- Be happier;
- Be less stressed;
- Enjoy your down time; and
- Enjoy the time you spend with your loved ones.
What do expectations do to you?
We all have expectations. From the moment you wake up to falling asleep and even when you dream while asleep. They come naturally to us. Whether we like it or not, expectations constantly nag us ever presently. They become problems when you have a gap between what you expect and your reality and this gap creates false belief that what you expect will happen. This leads to disappointments which lead to resentment, regret and/or even doubt.
What are expectations?
Expectations are what you believe will happen. They dictate your reality – not in a sense of actual reality but your perspective of reality. Expectations come in many forms. They can be about how much you expect to get done in a day, what you expect your partner to do, the university your kids will be accepted to or the raise that you deserve to get.
What can you do about expectations
The only thing you can do about expectations, at least from my perspective, is to manage it. As we can’t get rid of your thoughts, I don’t think there is any method of getting rid of expectations. They are innate to our being. The harder you try to get rid of them, the more they present themselves in your thoughts with vengeance.
At your centre is what you expect of yourself. Let’s start with managing expectations about yourself and we will cover how to best manage your expectations about other areas of your life in later posts.
Below are 3 steps to managing expectations about your Life Admin on a daily basis that you can apply to other aspects of your life.
- Decide on what you can get done today
- Write these out on a notepad or make a list in your reminders app.
- Note the word “can” as opposed to “want” or “need”.
- Deciding on what you “can” get done is how you avoid falling for the trap of expectations.
- Identify what you need in order to get them done
- This can be anything from time, materials and help from your partner.
- Because you will be doing what you can, what you need will be what you can get.
- Cross them out as you complete each task.
- And feel good about getting them done!
My experience
Before I started simplifying my life, I would put what I wanted and/or needed to get done during the day on my to-do list. More than not, I ended up with barely getting anything on my list and the list, unbelievably and frustratingly, was longer by the time dinner rolled around. I simplified each day by being realistic and relentless about what I can do today. This resulted in me setting realistic expectations which closed the gap between what I expected to get done and what I got done.
What now?
Focus on what you “can” get done. Do what you “want” or “need” to get done when you’ve done what you “can” get done.
I found Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention by Johann Hari particularly helpful.