Argh! Read this post now!
Anger management, simplified
So what?
Do you ever get angry? Are you easily angered and triggered? Do you know what triggers you? Managing and controlling your anger will allow you to:
- Empathise with your loved ones and those around you;
- Have new insights in life;
- Broadened perspectives;
- Reduce stress; and
- Not rely on addictive and harmful escapes.
Causes and triggers of anger
There are two causes which trigger your anger. These are your past and your current situation.
Your past
The following are the triggers from your past that cause your anger:
- Suppressed your anger or punished for expressing your anger
- Grown up learning that expressing your anger in aggressive or violent matter is okay
- Witnessed your loved ones getting angry in an uncontrolled manner
- Bullied, traumatised or abused
Current situation
And the following are the triggers due to your current situation:
- Unsustainable level of stress and/or burden
- Don’t know how to express your anger in a healthy or appropriate way
- Experiencing loss or grief
- Inherited characteristics, chemistry in your brain or underlying conditions
Dealing with anger
The three ways you deal with anger are suppressing it by not letting it out, expressing it through other manners and relaxing by calming down as detailed and exampled below:
Suppression
Not letting your anger out and converting the energy into a constructive or positive behaviour. Examples include:
- Taking alternative solutions;
- Not holding grudges;
- Collecting your thoughts; and
- Thinking before speaking.
Expression
Letting your anger out in a rational, controlled and reasonable manner. Examples include:
- Exercising;
- Stating your concerns directly and clearly; and
- Yelling with no one around.
Relaxation
Controlled behaviour with emphasis on your internal responses to your anger by relaxing and calming down. Examples include:
- Taking a timeout;
- Using humour to release tension; and
- Stepping away from the current environment and finding your personal space.
My experience
I used to get angry quite often. The problem wasn’t my anger but the way that I dealt and expressed my anger. Throwing things or raising my voice was my go-to “solution” to my anger. I still get angry but I manage and deal with it in healthier and less confronting ways. As noted in my previous post, I simply breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. The simple breathing technique has been the most dependable and effective way for me to deal with my anger.
What now?
- Find your triggers. Seek counselling if required/appropriate.
- Identify how you currently deal with your anger.
- If it’s working, keep doing it.
- If it’s not, pick three techniques to try for three weeks and find one that works best for you.
- You can’t go past Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty if you’re after practical steps that you can take to live a less angrier, more meaningful life.