What is guilt?
And why it’s good for you
So what?
We all experience guilt at some point in our lives. It’s an emotion that is important for leading a healthy social life. Whether you are feeling guilty at home or work, guilt allows you to:
- Influence those around you;
- Improve relationships; and
- Balance your emotions.
Influence
Do you ever purposely guilt trip someone? If so, what for? You guessed it. You guilt trip those around you to influence or manipulate them. Whether you are using guilt to intentionally, unintentionally, consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously, guilt is a very strong emotion that influences, manipulates or persuades people to do things that they hadn’t intended to do.
Relationships
Have you ever felt guilty for not spending enough time with your partner or kid(s)? Sure you have. Whether you are already spending sufficient time and perceived as such by your loved ones, you will be enticed to spend more time with them once you feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. More time with your loved ones is always a good thing and does wonders to your relationships with them.
Imagine yourself online shopping and you come across a pair of heels that is exorbitantly over your budget or a recently released, shiny new gadget. You casually add the item to your shopping card with every intent to confirm your purchase. Then guilt rains down and overcomes your intention. The feeling of guilt helps with governing and/or restraining your behaviours in relationships. Such as that of spending on things that are over your household budget.
Emotions
Lastly, feeling guilty regulates and balances other emotions that are present within yourself and others. Say your partner asked you to take the dog out for a walk but you completely forgot midst of your busy day and guilt shows up. You showing or sharing your guilt with your partner will regulate her dissatisfaction with you.
My experience
As a naturally short-tempered person, I used to raise my voice at our kids frequently. Coupled that with my passion and love for our kids immediately made me regret and feel guilty for raising (or yelling) at them. The feeling of guilt was so strong that I could preemptively feel it immediately before I raised my voice which I taught myself to take advantage of. Nowadays, I use this as a trigger for me to start breathing rather than acting out of frustration or dissatisfaction.
What now?
- Have you recently felt guilty? What did that do to you? Think about the actions you’ve taken to address it.
- Have you recently made someone feel guilty? What did they do? Did you get what you wanted? Was it worth it?