Practical steps for asking questions
So what?
ICYMI from our post on asking questions: Asking why is not just for 5-year old kids. This questioning, done correctly, is an effective way for you to:
- Be engaged with your life and those around you;
- Facilitate learning and development;
- Clarify your thoughts and understanding; and
- Be motivated and develop interest of the topic that you are questioning.
Our previous post covered the types of questions you can ask. Asking effective questions not only makes you a better communicator but better listener as well. Even better, effectively asking effective questions makes you a rockstar.
What do you want to find out?
The first step of asking effective questions is to look inwards. Figure out what you are looking to find out by asking yourself questions. What is your goal and what are you trying to get out of by asking questions? Your questions will be specific and allow room for learning and exchanging of ideas when you have determined the purpose of your questions. Knowing your purpose will dictate the type of questions (i.e. open and closed) that you will be asking and who you choose to ask.
Listen, listen and listen
Remember – you are asking questions, not answering your own questions. I see colleagues that ask questions and answer their own questions whilst not giving others a chance to respond. We are all guilty of this time to time. Listening does wonders for any relationship, whether it be personal, professional or casual.
Actively listening builds strong relationships by creating a sense of connection, goodwill, respect and trust. It also resolves conflicts by encouraging you to see them from different perspectives as well as recognise others’ emotions and feelings. You have greater clarity of what you are asking and the answers you hear by preventing you from missing key information from those answers.
Show appreciation
Show your appreciation by responding to their answers with thoughtful and empathetic responses and thanking them for taking the time out of their busy day to talk to you. Appreciation goes both ways. Showing appreciation is not only beneficial to you but to the person(s) that you are questioning. Similar to listening, you build respect and trust in relationships by appreciating those that you have relationships with. Your interviewee will want to stay longer and extend their conversation from lighthearted remarks of appreciation in between questions and throughout your conversation with them.
My experience
Learning to listen was the hardest for me. Listening is still challenging especially when I’m busy and/or anxious. A practical approach that I use is to first calm myself by breathing three times before jumping into meetings or starting a conversation. If I face conversations that are abrupt or when I’m not in the right headspace, I keep them short and sweet and attempt to find another time to have them. This may seem rude or be unwanted by others but good conversations are always better than bad conversations. Avoid bad conversations like a plague as they can be detrimental to any relationship.
What now?
- Do you consider yourself a naturally gifted interviewer?
- If so, what makes you so?
- If not, start by listening. Listening does wonders