Simplified approach to managing your anger
By focusing on mind, body and soul
So what?
Following on from our post about mind, body and soul, we are tackling anger by focusing on these three ways. Effective anger management comes with the following benefits:
- Deal with situations in a calm, collected manner;
- Convey your feelings and emotions by communicating clearly and assertively;
- Learn about yourself and causes of your anger and triggers;
- Better understanding of your loved ones and acquaintances’ perspectives, viewpoints and feelings and emotions; and
- Healthier and more responsible lifestyle.
Mind
Think: Think before speaking or acting. Give yourself time to think about what’s making you angry speaking speaking or acting. Hold your tongue, interlock your fingers behind your back and do whatever you need to do to make sure you give yourself a moment to ponder about what triggered you and put your mind to action.
Communicate: Express yourself after you’re calm. Avoid holding in your anger, frustration, disappointment and disagreement by expressing them. The critical step to this is to express yourself after you’re calm. This will allow you to clearly and directly communicating with others and avoid hurting or controlling them.
Focus on yourself: Use ‘I’ statements rather than using ‘you’, ‘she’, ‘he’ or ‘they’. By using ‘I’ statements, you are not placing blame others but rather focusing on yourself. Placing blame will increase tension and hinder your ability to show respect and have empathy.
Body
Exercise: Redirect the energy brought on by your anger from harmful reactions to positive habits like walking, running and working out. Exercising not only reduces stress but you will feel clearer and calmer after expanding the energy that has built up inside you.
Timeout: Physically remove yourself from the situation or the person that triggered your anger by taking a timeout. This will allow you to calm down and allow you to have space in your mind to think things through.
Relax: Practice ways to relax by meditating, breathing or doing yoga. Relaxing yourself will lessen the mental and physiological impact of your anger and allow you to approach the situation or the person in a rational and calm manner.
Soul
Solutions: Identify possible, alternative solutions by putting your mind at work. Rather than acting on your impulses that arose from your anger, consciously make an effort to think of better solutions to your problems. Actively seeking such solutions will give you much needed time and space to manage your anger.
Help: Seek help when things get out of control. Accept that you’re never always right, or wrong. At the first thought of “woah this is getting out of hand”, seek professional help to help you manage your anger.
Logic: Change the way you perceive right from wrong by applying logic and being rational. Being logical and rational are the last things you would think about when you’re angry. Try practicing these soft skills when managing your anger. You will be surprised at how quickly you can bring yourself down to earth and ease the tension in your mind and body by being realistic and applying cold, hard logic to your triggers.
My experience
I have three tools in my arsenal that I use to manage my anger. One in each bucket. Depending on my energy level for each and which I remember to do, I either think, relax or apply cold, hard logic. I often forget to practice mindfulness as I’m a human being after all. Sticking to three, not more or less, allows me to pick one or remember at least one of them to practice when anger strikes and get ahold of me. Depending on the time of day, I tend to apply logic in the morning, think in the afternoon and relax in the evening.
What now?
- Do you have a set of skills in your anger management toolbox?
- If so, what works best for you? Which one do you practice more than others?
- If not, why not? Have a think about what attracts you from the list above and pick one from each bucket to try for a week or two.