What to and not to expect from your married life
So what?
The benefits of setting realistic expectations whether you are a parent or looking to get married include:
- Less fighting and bickering;
- More and/or better intimacy;
- More time for yourself; and
- Escape from daily grind.
Recap of expectation and what it does
As I mentioned in our post about expectations, “expectations are what you believe will happen or to be. They dictate your feelings and emotions about your reality”. As with other relationships, you develop certain expectations about your current or potential partner. Every interaction with them are dictated by your expectations of them.
Common expectations
Below are common expectations that you will have:
- Your marriage will be free of conflict and full of happiness;
- Your current or potential partner will think, act or talk like you; and
- They will know what you’re thinking, doing or saying.
As we discussed in our last post, you can’t get rid of expectations. Let’s see what you can do to manage them.
Simplicity is key
Here’s a simple way of managing expectations.
If you’re currently in a marriage, think about what’s working and continue doing it and what’s not working and stop doing it. For example, stop expecting your partner to know what you are thinking, wanting or needing because they will disappoint every single time.
If you’re looking to get married, hope for the best, expect the worst as with having kids. If you’re in love, you likely won’t be persuaded to do anything other than what you think is best. Stick with your gut, be accountable and stand by your decisions. If you’re not in love, you will be persuaded by what I suggest but you shouldn’t be marrying that person.
My experience
When we got married, I vowed to make my wife happy with every ounce of energy I have. After all, she is my everything. I expected her to find happiness through me and our marriage. This became an obsession which led to me expecting her sole source of happiness to be our marriage. I became trapped in the spiral of expectations. In hindsight, a simple act of taking a look at what’s working and not working could have saved ourselves from the turmoil that we put ourselves through. Fortunately for us, we took that simple (not so easy) step and came out the other side happier and stronger.
What now?
If you’re currently in a marriage, continue what’s working and stop what’s not.
If you’re looking to get married, hope for the best and expect the worst.