What tantrums are
And why they happen
So what?
We all despise when children throw tantrums but what we fail to realise when we are in the midst of dealing with one is that they are good for them (to a degree). They become a problem if they’re excessive, violent or if the perpetrator is an adult. Below are the benefits of throwing tantrums:
- Relieves tension and stress;
- Improved sleep through releasing bottled up emotions;
- Learning opportunity to regulate emotions through expressing them in different ways; and
- Building emotional intelligence by observing the way you handle tantrums as the recipient.
Remembering these benefits when your loved one misbehaves will help you be more understanding and patient.
The next few posts will highlight and divulge into different ways that we can deal with tantrums thrown by children of which some that may be adaptable to situations where you are dealing with adults who are throwing a tantrum.
Tantrums, defined
Wikipedia defines a tantrum (i.e. temper tantrum, meltdown, fit or hissy fit) as “an emotional outburst, usually associated with those in emotional distress”. The definition sounds pretty serious because it can become a serious matter as they come in all types and intensities. Low intensity tantrums is when tension in the body builds and includes arguing, whining and yelling. High intensity tantrums is when the brain gets flooded with emotions and goes into fight, flight or freeze mode. Such intensity entails screaming, hitting or throwing nearby objects.
Why they happen
Most tantrums happen because of triggers such as hunger, tiredness, stress, tension or overstimulation. We suggest you see your GP if your child or loved one are throwing frequent tantrums or meltdowns that are unwarranted or without triggers. Let’s take a quick look at common triggers:
- Overstimulation: Whether it be too much sweets, screen time or fun, overstimulation causes children’s energy being used to process everything around them. Without the ability to stop or regulate the stimulation, they lose control of their emotions.
- Distraction: If you’re too distracted to pay attention to your child or loved one, they may throw a tantrum to get your attention. Whether their need or want warrants your attention or not is a balancing act that needs to be considered given the situation.
- Hangry: Hunger leading to anger. When human beings are hungry, we get anxious and feel unsafe which can lead to tantrums.
My experience
Raising kids who are now 8 and 6 was and is a challenge especially without any outside help. Being flexible and adaptable we’ve learned to be through our adult life, we’ve picked up a few tricks up our sleeves over the years. Specifically, we do what we can to do the bare minimum to minimise triggers and use our energy focusing on bigger and better things. The one thing that we religiously attend to is food. At whatever cost, we try to avoid being in situations where one of us is hangry. If the kids are well fed, they are less likely throw tantrums. If we are well fed, we have more energy and patience to deal with whatever life (or child) throws at us.
What now?
- Do you, your child or loved one regularly throws tantrums? If so, what is triggering them?
- Would you consider yourself someone that is able to handle and manage tantrums well? Do you use these skills in other aspects of life (i.e. work, social)?