How to manage tantrums
Dealing with temper tantrums
So what?
As we discussed in our previous post, Wikipedia defines a tantrum (i.e. temper tantrum, meltdown, fit or hissy fit) as “an emotional outburst, usually associated with those in emotional distress”. This post and next few posts will touch on different ways that you can manage and deal with temper tantrums. There is no one correct or best way in managing and dealing with them. But one thing that’s clear is giving in to tantrums can lead to your child or loved one being rewarded for their behaviours. And this means that they will happen over and over again.
Listen
Sometimes people just want to be heard whether they’re a toddler or an adult. Letting them have the opportunity to air out their views, complaints, emotions and perceptions will give them a chance to feel like they are heard as well as use up their negative energy that’s blocking their ability to be poised and collected. You can take this time to actively listen and listen to their thoughts and concerns in order for you to take the time to come up with a solution or response to your child or loved one’s tantrum.
Investigate
You may already have a preconception as to why your child or loved one is throwing a tantrum but we often times only see the tip of the iceberg and make assumptions based on our perception. Whether through active listening or putting yourself in their shoes, you need take a step back and investigate the situation in order for you to understand the real reason behind their attitude, yelling or screaming. Was your child’s last tantrum really just because they were hungry or was there an underlying reason that triggered it? Simply giving them morning tea may have redirected and subdued their tantrum but the tantrum can spur up again if you don’t deal with the underlying issue.
My experience
We first listen and investigate together with our kids when they throw low-level tantrums. While we hear them out, we take a moment to take a breath and come up with a game plan to deal with the tantrum. We hold back our tongue until they are done which seem like hours. We investigate with them as to why they were throwing a tantrum once they’re calm and collected (or too tired to keep going). When they agree to the identified, underlying reason, we ask questions and give them options to undertake to resolve it. Of course this doesn’t always work which forces us to resort to other methods.
What now?
- Have you ever just let your child or loved one throw a tantrum (when it was safe to do so)? How did it turn out?
- Next time your child or loved one throws a tantrum, try letting them air everything out and listen to them. You’d be surprised at what you find out and how comical their tantrums sometimes are.