How to manage tantrums
Dealing with temper tantrums
So what?
As we discussed in our previous post, Wikipedia defines a tantrum (i.e. temper tantrum, meltdown, fit or hissy fit) as “an emotional outburst, usually associated with those in emotional distress”. This post and next few posts will touch on different ways that you can manage and deal with temper tantrums. There is no one correct or best way in managing and dealing with them. But one thing that’s clear is giving in to tantrums can lead to your child or loved one being rewarded for their behaviours. And this means that they will happen over and over again.
Copy cat
This one is a preventative measure, one that you have to practice ahead of time. As human beings, we are very impressionable especially at a young age. Your child watches your every move and observes how you handle what life throws at you. I’m sure many of you have watched animal shows where lion cubs learns to hunt by watching their parents. If animals learn to survive from their parents, what makes you think that human beings are any different?
When you are faced with a stressful situation, take a time out and show your child or loved one how you handle such situation through a calm and collected manner. These are observable and concrete behaviours that you can show your child or loved one so they can see and know what sort of behaviour is expected and accepted when they’re faced with unwanted situations.
Setting the temperature
Don’t forget that your child and your loved ones look up to you whether your loved one is older or wiser. We look up to and seek guidance from our close, trusted members of our circles. When tantrums strike, they are looking up to you to lead and guide them through the emotional roller coaster regardless of what they say or do. This means that you have to set the temperature of the situation. You need to be the thermostat and set the tone of the interaction and surrounding. Handling tantrums is much harder for you and your loved one if you’re not calm yourself. You’re not at fault that they’re having a tough time. But it is within your role and responsibility to help them through it.
My experience
We had the hardest time dealing with conflicts and tantrums before we started practicing mindfulness. Whilst it is still hard, we go back to our breathing and focus on our inhales and exhales as soon as we feel our emotions brewing inside. This breathing technique when sh*t hits the fan allows us to set the temperature when tantrums strike and also allows us to show our kids how to handle difficult situations in a calm and collected manner.
What now?
- Do you ever notice your child watching or copying you? If not, perhaps you’re not paying enough attention to them.
- Are you a thermometer or a thermostat when it comes to dealing with tantrums? Have a think about how you can become the thermostat before the next tantrum strikes.