What to and not to expect from your dating life
So what?
The benefits of setting realistic expectations whether you are currently dating or looking to start dating are:
- Being in a growth relationship (as in growth mindset);
- Satisfy your needs and wants;
- Have longer relationships; and
- Finding a good balance between you and your partner in terms of roles and responsibilities.
Recap of expectation and what it does
As I mentioned in our last post, “expectations are what you believe will happen or to be. They dictate your feelings and emotions about your reality.” When it comes to dating and relationships, you develop certain expectations about your partner or potential partner-to-be. Expectations are developed even before the first interaction. Every interaction you have onwards are dictated by the expectations which have already formed in your mind.
Common expectations
Below are common expectations that you will have:
- You can change your current or potential partner;
- You can depend on them to meet your needs and wants;
- They will bring joy and happiness;
- They will know what you’re thinking or saying;
- They will know what you want and need; and
- Your expectations about the relationship will align with theirs.
As we discussed in our last post, you can’t get rid of expectations. Let’s see what you can do to manage them.
Simplicity is key
In case you haven’t noticed, we are all about simplicity. Here’s a simple way of managing expectations.
If you’re currently dating, think about what’s working and continue doing it and what’s not working and stop doing it. For example, stop expecting your partner to have dinner ready when you come home from work because there will be times your partner won’t have it ready.
If you’re looking to date, write a list of what you want in your future relationship. This will decrease the expectation gap that will inevitably form when you start dating.
My experience
When my wife and I started dating, I expected her to meet my needs and wants. Not all but at least some. This continued for years even after being married since I didn’t realise that I was trapped in the deadly spiral of unrealistic expectations. When our marriage fell apart and we were living apart, only then, did I realise the danger of falling for the expectation trap.
What now?
If you’re dating, continue what’s working and stop what’s not.
If you’re looking to start dating, write a list of what you want.